I received an atrocious direct mail piece the other day from a print rental company and thought it appropriate to use as an example of how NOT to write a good sales letter. Here it is (please be reminded that neither myself nor my employees have anything to do with this sales letter, it was received by our office as a direct mail piece from a print company).

High inflation

High interest rates

The credit crunch is defiantly here!

If all this sounds all familiar you are probably aware of all the gimmick calls suggesting

“saving you money on click charges and consumable costs”

“Free Digital Printing Machines if you sign your life, house and porches to us”

Small print suggests you commit to a million prints month at a rate Bill Clinton would struggle to keep up with.

Are we ready for a change? . . . . . .

Change is revolutionary, change is a fresh approach whether its small work group printers for proofing, or full critical COLOUR! Digital devices to suite your Individual needs. We supply and specialise in the sales and after care of Olivetti & Oki equipment for the office and studio.

Our dedicated sales team will be in touch shortly on how we can help your business reach its goals.

You can fax back or e-mail your request and we shall try our best to help.

(Email address  and website given)

Kind regards

Marketing Department

Now, if you can see past the terrible grammar and spelling and the fact that they clearly do not understand what a credit crunch involves, refer to Bill Clinton as a print-fanatic and confuse Porsches with porches, there are more serious issues. Most importantly, what is the point of the mailing? There is very little, if any, call to action. So, essentially they are giving us the ‘heads up’ that their sales team will be in touch shortly. What a waste of paper!

 It wouldn’t be as bad if the copy itself actually portrayed some of the benefits their service has to offer, at least then it would allow us to decide whether or not we would like to listen to their sales team when they get in touch, but it doesn’t. I am none the wiser of what their service offers now than before I read the letter.

When you receive a birthday card from your parents does it say ‘Happy Birthday Darling. Lots of Love, The Parenting Team’? Or when you receive an email invitation from your friends to attend a birthday party, is it signed ‘See you there, The Best Mate Team’? Of course not! Why then do companies feel the need to end their sales letters with things like the ‘marketing department’ or the ‘marketing team’?

Departments and teams are impersonal. Departments and teams can’t form meaningful relationships or rapport with customers. People don’t like receiving anonymous letters, they like receiving letters from other people. Individual people.

There are no offers i.e. discounts to entice the reader to act quickly and they offer no keepsake or free gift e.g. business card, promotional pen etc. with the mailing for the reader to save and refer to at a later date.

Ultimately, this is a very dull, uninteresting mailing and I can truly say that this is one of, if not the worst direct mailing I have ever encountered. To top it all off, the web address given in the faint call to action is so complex I would be surprised if anyone could type it into their browser without having to take a second or third look.

I think it would be appropriate to say that this company needs our services more than we need theirs.